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<3 My fingers need to talk.

I'm sitting in Star's kitchen and it's lovely and sunny. Babies are sleeping - or pretending to sleep and either way I can't complain. I've now been here for a week and it's been amazing, and normal, and fun, and silly, and challenging and and and I've laughed, and I've cried and I've been again and again blown away by the people I've met. I've been shy, and I've been sick sick sick, and I've been dancing and I've been hanging in the bathroom having girly chats, and I've been cooking <3 and I've been pottering around and I've been brushing up on my geek and I feel completely good. < even with the sick >

So, what does this mean? Honestly I'm scared - Star has always been a special place. We met the world glittered and since then I've always had a safety net. It's amazingly scary to type this - just the simple knowledge that I could run away to Edmonton, or later that I could go live in Edmonton inspired me to keep going on my adventures, inspired a romance, poetry, it gave me strength in ways I'm not sure I can explain or even show. It's been my loud open place, and my secret quite dream place and being here doesn't change that.

Being here doesn't change any of that. It reaffirms it. It proves a soft and gentle truth I've been holding in my heart for a long time and that for me is scary. Is hard. Is new. So what do I do?
My head is so over full I'm having trouble piecing together the big picture.

Being already in Edmonton < for a visit > makes me want to cuddle up and grab friends, make ties and find away to make it work. Figuring out what 'it working' looks like is also a hard step. I've got options and pathways open that I could run down to. All over really.

But Edmonton is an option. It's a very real and very valid option.
I don't know if I'm ready for that to be an option. I don't know if I have enough of a base, enough of a hold on my self and my dreams and and and all the things I want to accomplish. I feel it would be easy to sink here, but it would be amazing if I could figure out how to swim.

Ottawa is an option. An almost easy no brainier option.
I've been blessed with an understanding and amazing family has the back up place.
I've got two jobs I'm in the process of getting < nothings 100% sure but I'm sure I could easily get at least one of the jobs on offer if not an offer from both of them >
I'm slowly slowly making friends, meeting people and you've all been lovely <3 utterly so.
I'm slowly learning to walk around Ottawa and the buss are back on.

The usual places if I really wanted to take those steps are an option

Bermuda, UK, PGL UK, Denmark, New Zealand .... Europe.

Right now though, as my fingers talk I feel it's a choice between Edmonton and Ottawa.
I've done a lot in the last two years < not New Zealand > but a lot and part of me is tried,
lots of me if I'm honest are tired of the constant spin, the moving at a drop of a hat. I'm so glad I was able to go and do what I needed to do. For that I have to thank my family. Leaving Braintree saying - Goodbye and Thank you I feel was the best thing I ever did for Katrine.

Stories for another day, promise.

So what do I need?

A job - would help.
A home base/ even if it's a room I make my own.
A bus pass/ I really want to learn how to drive/ someone to show me around.
A tutor or school program
Friends / Family

Extras

a dirt cheap supple of books.
people to cuddle/kiss/hold hands with
Nia classes
places to go sledding
theater fun

Job wise I am pretty easy, I have a mix bag of experiences. I also want to do some school stuff < day dreams > I don't know. I went to Greece for my 21'st Birthday with my mum. Danced with many many beautiful strangers/now friends. Had an amazing time and then on a whim moved to Canada.

Whims are good, and the move was good - the job I had was not all good so I'm now completely with out anchors and it's scary and new and fun and cool - It also means I have no idea where I should go, what I should be doing and hardest of all how I decided where's the best place for me.

I think I'm doing that. I know I need some help. As my fingers slow and the chatter fades I think in many ways I've already picked.

Any words of wisdom, advice, hugs, love, or anything else you want to throw my way are more then welcome.


Love, Katrine

_{<3 wish me love}